The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
