I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
