Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
