Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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