This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
