so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
