Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
