my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
