NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
