I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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