You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
