I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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