just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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