All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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