had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
