Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
