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Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Randomize
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