Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
