Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
