you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
