But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
