Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
