I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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