just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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