My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
