Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
