if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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