Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
