My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
