He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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