Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
