I love black thongs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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