The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
