My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The air was thick with penises
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
