I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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