even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I AM VODKA MAN
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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