That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
