yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
