If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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