Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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