I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
