That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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