i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
