So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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