she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
