smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
