At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
