Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
