I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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