i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
