We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
