I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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