if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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