i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
