Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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