community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
