he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
