I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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