i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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