peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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