her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
