Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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