i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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