OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
