she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
