oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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