its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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