It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
