I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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