'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
