yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
